[He's finally gotten an apology, but it still doesn't feel like enough. It couldn't possibly be enough. Words don't equal what happened to him. To all of them.]
That was obvious as soon as we touched down.
We're all fresh out of the sims and trying to make sense of a real battlefield, all our training saying we go in after the armor, and our new generals make us run across an open plain first, so they can get stuck in. Tanks and artillery couldn't hit the front line anymore, because they'd hit us. So we don't get proper support, and more of us get cut down. It was the stupidest thing to do, and I charged my squad right into it, because I believed.
And after the whole fucking disaster, as we're sitting around waiting to find out if one of our wounded's going to survive having his face blown open, everybody's still saying "it's a good thing the Jedi were there, think how much worse it would've been!"
And they meant it. All of you had just proven how unfit you were for command, and they thought that pointless slaughter was a miracle.
Because the Jedi were never trained on how to be in command, it was just given and expected.
I wasn't even knighted before they gave over command like I knew what to do. Expecting Padawan learners to take command was never something they should have allowed. Especially the ones that were so much younger than I was.
[ His own Padawan who'd just gotten thrown into the fray..Anakin still has such negative feelings about how the Jedi Order treated her. All this conversation is proving is that he should have left. ]
[That's what's still driving him insane about this. Even though Skywalker seems to almost get it, he's still ducking responsibility. The 501st got put through hell, just like the 212th. And this guy was complaining about the responsibility of it.]
Did you never ask why none of us can ever outrank you? Even your cadets? [Because he definitely fucking did. And he has the suspicion now that if he actually got to ask one of their Masters like Kenobi, he'd get the same infuriating runaround of self-pity.]
This is just making it more apparent that I should have been asking more questions.
[ He knows that a big part of why he hadn't was because of that driving need to prove himself. To show everyone that he was meant for something more. As stupid as something like a prophecy is, it's always been hard not to lean into the idea. Even if he wasn't some Chosen One, he was meant for something bigger. Being a General was just a means to an end, right? ]
What makes you think it'll end when the Separatists are gone? The Republic won't stop trying to use us. The Jedi won't either. You said it yourself, they're not even thinking about it.
I have to believe it's going to stop because that's what it's all been for.
Once it's done, I'll make them listen.
[ It sounds feeble, even to him, but he doesn't know what else to say. He'd like to believe it would be a peaceful transition for all the clone troopers, but that dark part of him knows that simply won't happen. ]
[ Boy, he really doesn't want to think about the implications of that. Anakin likes to think he's not brainwashed- that every choice he's made thus far has been under his own power. ]
I've never been able to keep the promise I made to my mother. Maybe I can start there.
Yeah? Tell me how. How would more of us die if we weren't going out and getting killed every day. Tell me how much better it is that we stay slaves until you get around to fixing that for us.
This is why I tried to kill you. Somebody has to do something. And so far? It hasn't been you.
The Separatists will gun down any trooper they see because as far as they're concerned, you're the enemy because you're fighting for the Republic. Their mindset won't change. Get rid of the problem and things can change.
We've seen what they're capable of, too. We don't want to lose more men. The Jedi Council will have to see change after what they've done. I'll make them listen.
You're failing to imagine the part of my hypothetical where we aren't fighting. You really can't imagine that, can you? So why would I fucking trust you to come up with a solution?
I haven't seen Kenobi give a single shit about us either. And he's a Jedi Master. So no. I don't trust the Jedi Council to do anything good for us.
If you don't get out of the way of our freedom, I will.
It's a good thing I don't trust the Jedi Council, either. The feeling is mutual, I'm sure. But as someone with a seat on the Council, I can make myself be heard.
After this damn war is over, I'm going to be an even bigger thorn in their side.
..Ha. They can't even have sympathy or understanding when one of their own was enslaved for a greater portion of their life. It holds no weight on their decisions.
[He had no idea if that thing about the Council was true. It could be a lie. It could be some bit of Jedi politics he didn't understand. But it didn't change the most important bit.] So you're telling me they've never had a problem with slavery, and they're gonna start caring because you'll make them.
No. Face it--they don't care, and they won't start once they've won.
After all the lies they've told me, it's the least I deserve from them. They can't be keepers of the peace while continuing to turn a blind eye to the outer rim. Not after this.
If they don't listen or won't try, I quit. Then I become an annoying, uncooperative citizen they can't touch.
[...Fucking really] If this were about what we're owed, every clone in the army would be owed more than the Republic can fucking afford. Annoying them won't cut it. What I did wasn't enough.
If you think it'll all work out because that's what's fair, you're delusional.
What you did wasn't enough because you were going up against the Jedi Order and the rest of the troopers.
I think we both know nobody cares about fair. Obviously, given how things have escalated since Geonosis
From my point of view, we end things, which means full attention can be put elsewhere. If you think I'm a pain in the ass now, just wait until you're on my bad side.
Your point of view doesn't mean anything. This isn't a matter of opinion. But you've already convinced yourself that letting more of us die as slaves to finish your war is more important.
This is why I can't trust you. Nobody should. You're no better than the rest of the Jedi if you're fine with this shit continuing until it's more convenient for you.
Then what the hell am I supposed to do that isn't blowing up a command post or two? One person can't start something so big. It's like wading upstream.
Remember? Kinda caught between a rock and a hard place right now. I'm not fine with it, but the exit plan isn't easy.
Well at least I fucking tried. Do you need any pointers on that?
[The only thing he'd kind of had on his side was the Seps, and they obviously didn't get it. Sure, he'd taken their money, but they didn't get what he was about. And what good had they done for him? They'd bungled every opportunity he'd set up for them.]
You've got power. You could be using it for something useful. Something that'd actually make the galaxy better.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 02:31 am (UTC)That was obvious as soon as we touched down.
We're all fresh out of the sims and trying to make sense of a real battlefield, all our training saying we go in after the armor, and our new generals make us run across an open plain first, so they can get stuck in. Tanks and artillery couldn't hit the front line anymore, because they'd hit us. So we don't get proper support, and more of us get cut down. It was the stupidest thing to do, and I charged my squad right into it, because I believed.
And after the whole fucking disaster, as we're sitting around waiting to find out if one of our wounded's going to survive having his face blown open, everybody's still saying "it's a good thing the Jedi were there, think how much worse it would've been!"
And they meant it. All of you had just proven how unfit you were for command, and they thought that pointless slaughter was a miracle.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 10:27 pm (UTC)I wasn't even knighted before they gave over command like I knew what to do. Expecting Padawan learners to take command was never something they should have allowed. Especially the ones that were so much younger than I was.
[ His own Padawan who'd just gotten thrown into the fray..Anakin still has such negative feelings about how the Jedi Order treated her. All this conversation is proving is that he should have left. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 10:51 pm (UTC)[That's what's still driving him insane about this. Even though Skywalker seems to almost get it, he's still ducking responsibility. The 501st got put through hell, just like the 212th. And this guy was complaining about the responsibility of it.]
Did you never ask why none of us can ever outrank you? Even your cadets? [Because he definitely fucking did. And he has the suspicion now that if he actually got to ask one of their Masters like Kenobi, he'd get the same infuriating runaround of self-pity.]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:08 pm (UTC)This is just making it more apparent that I should have been asking more questions.
[ He knows that a big part of why he hadn't was because of that driving need to prove himself. To show everyone that he was meant for something more. As stupid as something like a prophecy is, it's always been hard not to lean into the idea. Even if he wasn't some Chosen One, he was meant for something bigger. Being a General was just a means to an end, right? ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:24 pm (UTC)[It's satisfying to be right, but only in the worst way. It's the satisfaction of being right about how wrong everything is.]
The whole thing's rotten. Top to bottom. You have to see that.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 12:30 am (UTC)The war's got to end, but your way's just getting more of us killed to defend something that isn't worth the sacrifice.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 12:57 am (UTC)You can't know that it won't be worth it. If we don't stop fighting, everyone who died for it will have died for nothing.
[ It has to be, otherwise what was all of it even for? ]
There's no way out of it without more casualties. Whether we see it to the end or not.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:07 am (UTC)[Why? Why is that so hard to figure out?]
What makes you think it'll end when the Separatists are gone? The Republic won't stop trying to use us. The Jedi won't either. You said it yourself, they're not even thinking about it.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:15 am (UTC)Once it's done, I'll make them listen.
[ It sounds feeble, even to him, but he doesn't know what else to say. He'd like to believe it would be a peaceful transition for all the clone troopers, but that dark part of him knows that simply won't happen. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:22 am (UTC)Face it. You got conned. Maybe they brainwashed you too. But at least you're a citizen. With a full lifespan. I don't have time to wait like you.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:34 am (UTC)All the more reason to bring it to an end.
[ Boy, he really doesn't want to think about the implications of that. Anakin likes to think he's not brainwashed- that every choice he's made thus far has been under his own power. ]
I've never been able to keep the promise I made to my mother. Maybe I can start there.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:45 am (UTC)[ The response is delayed considerably. Seeing that is like a slap to the face ..Yep, not touching that last bit. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:56 am (UTC)This is why I tried to kill you. Somebody has to do something. And so far? It hasn't been you.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 02:06 am (UTC)We've seen what they're capable of, too. We don't want to lose more men. The Jedi Council will have to see change after what they've done. I'll make them listen.
Guess you'll have to try harder next time.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 02:16 am (UTC)I haven't seen Kenobi give a single shit about us either. And he's a Jedi Master. So no. I don't trust the Jedi Council to do anything good for us.
If you don't get out of the way of our freedom, I will.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 08:58 pm (UTC)After this damn war is over, I'm going to be an even bigger thorn in their side.
..Ha. They can't even have sympathy or understanding when one of their own was enslaved for a greater portion of their life. It holds no weight on their decisions.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 09:14 pm (UTC)No. Face it--they don't care, and they won't start once they've won.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 09:22 pm (UTC)If they don't listen or won't try, I quit. Then I become an annoying, uncooperative citizen they can't touch.
[ Diplomatic immunity works on spouses, right? ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 09:39 pm (UTC)If you think it'll all work out because that's what's fair, you're delusional.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 09:48 pm (UTC)I think we both know nobody cares about fair. Obviously, given how things have escalated since Geonosis
From my point of view, we end things, which means full attention can be put elsewhere. If you think I'm a pain in the ass now, just wait until you're on my bad side.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 10:35 pm (UTC)This is why I can't trust you. Nobody should. You're no better than the rest of the Jedi if you're fine with this shit continuing until it's more convenient for you.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 11:37 pm (UTC)Remember? Kinda caught between a rock and a hard place right now. I'm not fine with it, but the exit plan isn't easy.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 11:49 pm (UTC)[The only thing he'd kind of had on his side was the Seps, and they obviously didn't get it. Sure, he'd taken their money, but they didn't get what he was about. And what good had they done for him? They'd bungled every opportunity he'd set up for them.]
You've got power. You could be using it for something useful. Something that'd actually make the galaxy better.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: