I don't know what's worse--the Jedi keeping us enslaved on purpose, or being too clueless to notice. You're basically insisting it's the latter, but the fact that you haven't even apologized for it makes it hard to believe.
I reached out didn't I? I'm not ordering you around. I'm not making a big deal about you attacking me because it doesn't matter. I'm fucking trying, here.
That's still not saying it. How fucking hard is it to admit the truth?
[It's good the next message comes in, because otherwise he might've thrown up his hands and left the conversation.]
We were made for the Republic. The longnecks would've probably tried to sell us to somebody else, but I don't think the brainwashing could've kept everyone so accepting of it.
[Which assumes the Republic, moral core of the known universe, still wouldn't have given a shit about clones being enslaved. Which sounded depressingly accurate. But at least it might've made his brothers mad about it.]
Every day, for as long as I can remember. Do you want me to quote the propaganda we memorized? Because it's still in my head. Everybody recites it. "Every clone will have his moment." "Our mission's only over once we're dead." "With the Jedi in command, the Force is on our side." "Good soldiers follow orders." [All the ones about Jedi are why he still has trouble believing Skywalker doesn't know. They were supposed to know everything. Even though he knows that's not true and he's known it for months, he still doesn't entirely believe it.]
Geonosis broke it for me. But that doesn't mean I was happy before then. Everybody's shit scared of failing to be a good little soldier, because if you test poorly the best you can hope for is working maintenance with the other defects. We swore an oath to defend the Republic with our lives, but we never, ever had a fucking choice. Say it, or you're gone.
I didn't know it was like that for all of you. I'm sorry.
I don't think many Jedi gave it much thought.
[ If he had known, or gave it much thought, he would have-- No, he doesn't know that. He likes to think that he'd have done something. It would be the right thing to do. Lately, that seems to be the hardest thing for him to do.. but this is.. It makes him feel nauseous. Just knowing. ]
[He's finally gotten an apology, but it still doesn't feel like enough. It couldn't possibly be enough. Words don't equal what happened to him. To all of them.]
That was obvious as soon as we touched down.
We're all fresh out of the sims and trying to make sense of a real battlefield, all our training saying we go in after the armor, and our new generals make us run across an open plain first, so they can get stuck in. Tanks and artillery couldn't hit the front line anymore, because they'd hit us. So we don't get proper support, and more of us get cut down. It was the stupidest thing to do, and I charged my squad right into it, because I believed.
And after the whole fucking disaster, as we're sitting around waiting to find out if one of our wounded's going to survive having his face blown open, everybody's still saying "it's a good thing the Jedi were there, think how much worse it would've been!"
And they meant it. All of you had just proven how unfit you were for command, and they thought that pointless slaughter was a miracle.
Because the Jedi were never trained on how to be in command, it was just given and expected.
I wasn't even knighted before they gave over command like I knew what to do. Expecting Padawan learners to take command was never something they should have allowed. Especially the ones that were so much younger than I was.
[ His own Padawan who'd just gotten thrown into the fray..Anakin still has such negative feelings about how the Jedi Order treated her. All this conversation is proving is that he should have left. ]
[That's what's still driving him insane about this. Even though Skywalker seems to almost get it, he's still ducking responsibility. The 501st got put through hell, just like the 212th. And this guy was complaining about the responsibility of it.]
Did you never ask why none of us can ever outrank you? Even your cadets? [Because he definitely fucking did. And he has the suspicion now that if he actually got to ask one of their Masters like Kenobi, he'd get the same infuriating runaround of self-pity.]
This is just making it more apparent that I should have been asking more questions.
[ He knows that a big part of why he hadn't was because of that driving need to prove himself. To show everyone that he was meant for something more. As stupid as something like a prophecy is, it's always been hard not to lean into the idea. Even if he wasn't some Chosen One, he was meant for something bigger. Being a General was just a means to an end, right? ]
What makes you think it'll end when the Separatists are gone? The Republic won't stop trying to use us. The Jedi won't either. You said it yourself, they're not even thinking about it.
I have to believe it's going to stop because that's what it's all been for.
Once it's done, I'll make them listen.
[ It sounds feeble, even to him, but he doesn't know what else to say. He'd like to believe it would be a peaceful transition for all the clone troopers, but that dark part of him knows that simply won't happen. ]
[ Boy, he really doesn't want to think about the implications of that. Anakin likes to think he's not brainwashed- that every choice he's made thus far has been under his own power. ]
I've never been able to keep the promise I made to my mother. Maybe I can start there.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 11:38 pm (UTC)I don't know what's worse--the Jedi keeping us enslaved on purpose, or being too clueless to notice. You're basically insisting it's the latter, but the fact that you haven't even apologized for it makes it hard to believe.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 11:42 pm (UTC)You know what the truth is here. I shouldn't have to be the one to say it again.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-18 11:52 pm (UTC)I don't know what else you want from me?
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 12:02 am (UTC)Acknowledge the Republic is wrong for ever making us as half-life slaves.
That you're not blameless. You've benefited from having us there to die for you.
That'd be a start.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 12:13 am (UTC)The Jedi aren't blameless and have just as many secrets as the Republic.
What would have happened to all of you if the Republic had denied use of a clone army?
[ Another message immediately follows. ] I'm not trying to be sarcastic.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 12:30 am (UTC)[It's good the next message comes in, because otherwise he might've thrown up his hands and left the conversation.]
We were made for the Republic. The longnecks would've probably tried to sell us to somebody else, but I don't think the brainwashing could've kept everyone so accepting of it.
[Which assumes the Republic, moral core of the known universe, still wouldn't have given a shit about clones being enslaved. Which sounded depressingly accurate. But at least it might've made his brothers mad about it.]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 12:42 am (UTC)How..often did this brainwashing occur?
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 01:25 am (UTC)Geonosis broke it for me. But that doesn't mean I was happy before then. Everybody's shit scared of failing to be a good little soldier, because if you test poorly the best you can hope for is working maintenance with the other defects. We swore an oath to defend the Republic with our lives, but we never, ever had a fucking choice. Say it, or you're gone.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 01:43 am (UTC)I don't think many Jedi gave it much thought.
[ If he had known, or gave it much thought, he would have-- No, he doesn't know that. He likes to think that he'd have done something. It would be the right thing to do. Lately, that seems to be the hardest thing for him to do.. but this is.. It makes him feel nauseous. Just knowing. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-19 02:31 am (UTC)That was obvious as soon as we touched down.
We're all fresh out of the sims and trying to make sense of a real battlefield, all our training saying we go in after the armor, and our new generals make us run across an open plain first, so they can get stuck in. Tanks and artillery couldn't hit the front line anymore, because they'd hit us. So we don't get proper support, and more of us get cut down. It was the stupidest thing to do, and I charged my squad right into it, because I believed.
And after the whole fucking disaster, as we're sitting around waiting to find out if one of our wounded's going to survive having his face blown open, everybody's still saying "it's a good thing the Jedi were there, think how much worse it would've been!"
And they meant it. All of you had just proven how unfit you were for command, and they thought that pointless slaughter was a miracle.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 10:27 pm (UTC)I wasn't even knighted before they gave over command like I knew what to do. Expecting Padawan learners to take command was never something they should have allowed. Especially the ones that were so much younger than I was.
[ His own Padawan who'd just gotten thrown into the fray..Anakin still has such negative feelings about how the Jedi Order treated her. All this conversation is proving is that he should have left. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 10:51 pm (UTC)[That's what's still driving him insane about this. Even though Skywalker seems to almost get it, he's still ducking responsibility. The 501st got put through hell, just like the 212th. And this guy was complaining about the responsibility of it.]
Did you never ask why none of us can ever outrank you? Even your cadets? [Because he definitely fucking did. And he has the suspicion now that if he actually got to ask one of their Masters like Kenobi, he'd get the same infuriating runaround of self-pity.]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:08 pm (UTC)This is just making it more apparent that I should have been asking more questions.
[ He knows that a big part of why he hadn't was because of that driving need to prove himself. To show everyone that he was meant for something more. As stupid as something like a prophecy is, it's always been hard not to lean into the idea. Even if he wasn't some Chosen One, he was meant for something bigger. Being a General was just a means to an end, right? ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:24 pm (UTC)[It's satisfying to be right, but only in the worst way. It's the satisfaction of being right about how wrong everything is.]
The whole thing's rotten. Top to bottom. You have to see that.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 12:30 am (UTC)The war's got to end, but your way's just getting more of us killed to defend something that isn't worth the sacrifice.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 12:57 am (UTC)You can't know that it won't be worth it. If we don't stop fighting, everyone who died for it will have died for nothing.
[ It has to be, otherwise what was all of it even for? ]
There's no way out of it without more casualties. Whether we see it to the end or not.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:07 am (UTC)[Why? Why is that so hard to figure out?]
What makes you think it'll end when the Separatists are gone? The Republic won't stop trying to use us. The Jedi won't either. You said it yourself, they're not even thinking about it.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:15 am (UTC)Once it's done, I'll make them listen.
[ It sounds feeble, even to him, but he doesn't know what else to say. He'd like to believe it would be a peaceful transition for all the clone troopers, but that dark part of him knows that simply won't happen. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:22 am (UTC)Face it. You got conned. Maybe they brainwashed you too. But at least you're a citizen. With a full lifespan. I don't have time to wait like you.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:34 am (UTC)All the more reason to bring it to an end.
[ Boy, he really doesn't want to think about the implications of that. Anakin likes to think he's not brainwashed- that every choice he's made thus far has been under his own power. ]
I've never been able to keep the promise I made to my mother. Maybe I can start there.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 01:45 am (UTC)[ The response is delayed considerably. Seeing that is like a slap to the face ..Yep, not touching that last bit. ]
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